Dr. Claire Kaye- Self Awareness & Value
Short Biography...
Select an answer to get started
What is self-talk?
So we all have a little voice in our heads, which we hear at varying degrees of loudness throughout the day. And self-talk can be in different formats. Some people have a positive self-talk, which is kind of like your cheerleader. Other people have a neutral self-talk, which is a voice, which is kind of like a running commentary on your day. And lots of people, particularly women, have a very loud, negative self-talk, which can be very demoralising and depleting and can make you feel quite rubbish about yourself and what you're able to achieve.
Why does self-talk matter?
So self-talk really matters because it can actually change how you perceive yourself. So if you have a voice in your head, which is constantly saying, you are no good, everyone is quicker than you, why are you always like this? Oh, surely you know, better come on. That sort of voice in your head. It can be really hard to ignore. And it starts to become this thing where you actually believe that voice in your head. And rather than separating it from yourself and really believing yourself, it can be really detrimental to your wellbeing, your sense of self. It can be very depleting and it can actually cause severe anxiety and depression.
Can I do anything about self talk?
So there's plenty you can do about self-talk. The first is to recognise that you're experiencing it and also what type of self-talk is a predominant one for you. So whether it's your cheerleader, which is the positive one, the neutral one, which is your sort of ongoing commentary of the day, or the negative one, which a lot of people experience. That sense of saying all your worst bits about yourself. Once you've recognised it, it's really useful to do a funny exercise where you draw it on a piece of paper to think about what it could look like. Maybe it's a monster, maybe it's a shape. And then draw yourself in relation to that shape and start to think about actually how it feels when your negative self-talk is really loud and how you feel in relation to it. That can feel a bit uncomfortable for some people, but it helps to identify that your self-talk is not you. It separates it from yourself. The next stage is to evidence it. So if your self-talk is saying you are rubbish at your job, you are no good actually, it's really useful to use evidence to work out whether that's a true statement or not. So if you've had a recent appraisal where you've had good feedback and where perhaps your colleagues say that you are really lovely to work with and really good at your job, then actually there's no evidence to support that statement. And once you've done that, you can then use that evidence to tell your self-talk to go away. And that can literally be where you flick it off your shoulder or stamp your foot to remove it. That feels good for some people, but less good for other people. So another technique to use is called reframing, which is where you take the information that you are hearing in your self-talk and change it around. Maybe your self-talk has said you are really rubbish at your job. You've got so much to learn, you'll never get there. And maybe you've reframed that in your head to be something like, I've got things to learn. That's normal. I'm going to take it one step at a time and see how far I get. I may need some support on the way. That's okay. And just by changing reframing the phrase will help to diminish and reduce your self-talk to something that's manageable and perhaps even turn it into a more neutral or positive self-talk, which actually helps you with your wellbeing and what you can achieve.