Yolanda Clarke

Do you feel you went back to work too early?

Previously when I went through some losses, I do feel like I went back to work too early because if you haven't got sick pay, you have to pay your bills. And sometimes that isn't any way around that. But fortunately for me, I did have adequate sick pay to allow me to have more time off. But again, I felt guilty. I felt guilty about being away from work saying I should or I should be doing this. I couldn't do it at that point. So yeah, I think I maybe pushed myself into work a bit too soon. I would recommend a gradual return to work, and you might have to work at reduced hours for a little bit of time until you feel stronger. But also, I do recommend looking after your basics. Eat right, drink right, sleep right. Just to maintain you while you're going through this difficult.

Were you able to stay focused and productive while grieving?

But it's important to remember that when you're grieving, you might be overwhelmed, so you might not be working at full capacity. So be aware of that. You can do things like managing your tasks into bite-sized little chunks, taking lots of breaks, getting up, having a break, having a wander around fresh air. You may have caring responsibilities, you may have a family, you may be administering an estate. So all of these things can add to how overwhelmed you are. Remember, you've only haven't got an infinite amount of energy. You have to top that up. So you have to be realistic in your expectations about yourself.

Did you ever feel overwhelmed at work during your grief?

I felt very overwhelmed. I was trying to do the administration for my mom's estate, do a full-time job, and that involved travelling, and I felt completely overwhelmed. It all became too much. And I remember being in a store and I was surrounded by customers waiting to be served, and I could feel the frustration in those people, and it was like, I felt like I was getting suffocated. It was too much, and I had to walk out of the store. But because there's so much going in your body, your mind, it is overwhelming at that time. So for me, I unfortunately had to take time out. I got a sick note from the doctor and I was signed off, but at that point, I needed to have time away. I just needed to have time to heal. I didn't want to have felt guilty about taking time off work, but I would've completely burnt out at that point if I hadn't done it. So I just think, just listen to yourself, know how you're feeling, and maybe speak to your GP about getting a sick note that maybe can change the way you work. Or go to your manager first and see what your manager and your workplace can do for you.

Do you feel having a grief first aider would have been valuable to you?

I feel like my manager isn't supporting me in the way I need. What advice do you have?